you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize