Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are all done wearing pants today
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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