so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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