So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
