he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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