new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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