I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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