We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
