Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
