Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
