Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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