I'm so fucking centered right now
I think my vagina is haunted
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
