Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
