I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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