yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
