Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
