he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
