My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
