Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
