: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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