I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
