If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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