wakey wakey hands off snakey
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
