Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
