I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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