The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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