remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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