Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize