Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
