I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
