some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize