afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We need to get me chipped asap
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
