The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
