I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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