I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
