hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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