His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
