So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
