Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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