I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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