note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
