If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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