So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
