I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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