I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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