Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
