You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
