Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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