tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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