Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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