So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fuck appropriateness.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
