My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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