I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
