I cockslap morals
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
