Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My ass is underappreciated
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
