yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
