And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
