So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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