he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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