i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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