; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
