Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
