I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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