i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
